KSquare Certified Halloween Movie Picks

By Dandy J. West and Gene Lass

As lifelong horror fans, we’ve watched a lot of movies and done many movie lists and movie reviews. Like any team of critics, we often disagree on what movies we think are good. However, there are some horror films that were so good we both recommend them. Here is a selection of great movies you can watch this Halloween. Enjoy!

Fright Night (1985): Chris Sarandon, William Ragsdale, Roddy McDowell, Amanda Bearse

This film has a unique premise. A teen suspects his new neighbor is a vampire, so he turns to the host of the local late-night horror movie show (Roddy McDowell), who is supposedly a vampire hunter, to help destroy the creature. While the horror host at first doubt's the boy's claim, and then says he's just an actor, the two eventually team up in the perfect mix of comedy and horror that seemed to take place only in the 80s.

The Lost Boys (1987): Jason Patric, Keifer Sutherland, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Dianne Wiest

Another iconic film, this one finds a high school student (Jason Patric) drawn to a group of teens who seem to be living the ideal teen life - partying all night, sleeping all day, living on the edge, except they're vampires, and they want him to join them. Corey Haim and Corey Feldman play the Frog Brothers, young vampire hunters out to stake them all.

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992): Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins, Keanu Reeves

In all the many adaptations of Bram Stoker's novel "Dracula," this is the only one that follows the format of the original novel, in which the story is told through the diaries and journals of the various characters involved. While it does add an origin of sorts for Dracula, and plays up the romance between Dracula and Mina quite a bit, the film sticks closely to the novel, and is a mix of sensual, stylish, and horrifying.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992): Kristy Swanson, Donald Sutherland, Rutger Hauer, Luke Perry

Where's Sara Michelle Gellar? Not here! This is the hit film the iconic TV show was based on. No Willow, no vampire love interest, just cheerleader Buffy finding out she's a Slayer, and being trained in her skills. While Willow is missed, this film has Paul Reubens in his comedic best as a vampire henchling, plus Rutger Hauer, who more than makes up the difference.

Interview With the Vampire (1994): Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Kirsten Dunst, Antonio Banderas)

Anne Rice fans and Anne Rice herself dreaded the release of this adaptation of her groundbreaking novel, in which Tom Cruise, regarded a not a serious actor at the time, was cast in the role of the central vampire in the Rice mythos, Lestat. However, Rice and most fans changed their mind upon seeing the film, which was very faithful to the source material. Brad Pitt plays 19th century New Orleans gentleman Louis, who is turned by Lestat. A very young Kirsten Dunst plays the dying girl turned by Louis who complete the odd "family" of vampires. The film explores the mixed blessing and curse of being a vampire, being beautiful forever, loving beauty, but seeing all those you care about die while you stay young.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996): George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino, Harvey Keitel, Juliette Lewis

This film brings together writer/directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez, who mash up the vampire genre and the caper film when a couple of criminals go into a bar, not knowing it's a vampire bar. Full of action, comedy, and gore, the film does not disappoint.

Blade (1998): Wesley Snipes, Stephen Dorff, Kris Kristofferson

There was a time when Marvel just couldn't make a good movie. Any attempt (Punisher, Captain America) was either so bad it went right to video or (Roger Corman's Fantastic Four) shelved and never released. Until "Blade." Based on the half-human/half-vampire vampire hunter seen in the legendary "Tomb of Dracula" comics, Blade is known as the Daywalker, possessing all of the strengths and none of the weaknesses of his mixed heritage. With amazing effects, action sequences, and solid performances, the film still holds up well almost a quarter of a century later.

Fright Night (2011): Colin Farrell, Anton Yelchin, David Tennant, Toni Collette

As much as remakes of classic films are beleaguered, sometimes, as in the case of this one, they're good. With essentially the same plot as the original "Fright Night", this film features Colin Farrell as the charming and sexy but deadly neighbor, while the brilliant David (Dr. Who) Tennant reinterprets Roddy McDowall's role from a schlock horror host into more of a Criss Angel type. Still scary and charming, this film is a good reinterpretation of the original.

Sinners (2025): Michael B. Jordan, Hailee Steinfeld, Miles Caton, Jack O’Connell

 You’ve heard the hype, and for a change, the hype is worth it. There has never been a vampire movie like this. In it, Michael B. Jordan plays a dual role as identical twins “Smoke” and “Stack”, who, in 1932, return to their hometown of Clarksdale, Mississippi after spending time working for bootlegger mobsters in Chicago. They buy a building and renovate it into a juke joint, but are attacked by vampires. It’s a family drama, it’s a vampire film, and it has outstanding music and performances. See it!

Dracula: A Love Tale (2025) Caleb Landry Jones, Christoph Waltz, Zee Bleu. Written and directed by Luc Besson.

 Yes, Bram Stoker’s novel “Dracula” has been adapted for the screen over and over again, starting with “Nosferatu” over 100 years ago. What could possibly be done to make it interesting? Well, take the romantic aspects Francis Ford Coppola used in his, “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” in 1992, add more historical accuracy and dept of character, and you get this refreshing, dynamic take on the king of vampires. Besson’s film has notes of other adaptations, while forging its own excellent path.

An American Werewolf in London (1981) David Naughton, Jenny Agutter, Griffin Dunne.

This groundbreaking film, written and directed by John Landis blends comedy and horror, leaning heavily into the horror side. Should you see the film, remind yourself that these effects are pre-CGI, as they're still groundbreaking today. Previous werewolf films showed transformations mainly by showing a series of stills in progression, so we could see the stages of hair growing, fangs emerging, etc. In this film, as seen in the picture above, limbs elongate and distort in painful ways, the face grows more lupine in appearance, and hair erupts from the body, all of which appears to be very painful to our fledgling werewolf. Landis also adds a new wrinkle to werewolf lore as the werewolf's first victim, in this case his best friend, continues to haunt the werewolf, in progressing states of decay, really bringing home the traditional guilt and desperation werewolves had been portraying since "The Wolf Man."

The Howling (1981) Dee Wallace, Patrick Macnee, Christopher Stone, John Carradine, directed by Joe Dante.

This film features similar ground-breaking makeup effects showing werewolf transformation as "An American Werewolf in London," and for good reason, the effects artist started on this film, then left to work on the other film, but the techniques aren't identical. This film also breaks additional new ground in werewolf lore. First, there are multiple werewolves, plus they have no remorse. They like being werewolves.

Ginger Snaps (2000) Emily Perkins, Katherine Isabelle, Mimi Rogers.

This film again breaks new ground in the werewolf genre. First, the primary characters are female. Second, neither of them becomes werewolf because they are bitten. Already a bit odd in their school, one protecting the other, becoming a werewolf is a regressive trait in their family they had not heard about, triggered by the onset of menstruation. This is clever. It's a change of life, it signals becoming a woman, and classically, menstruation has been tied to the lunar cycle, each cycle taking about 28 days. Providing depth of character not typically seen in a horror film, but not short on terror or gore, it's a modern classic.

Dog Soldiers (2002) Sean Pertwee, Kevin McKidd, Liam Cunningham.

In this film, a unit of British soldiers is sent on a training mission to the Scottish Highlands. there, they are attacked by a pack of werewolves, killing some, but the wounded also turn into werewolves. The werewolves are terrifying, and the action becomes relentless as the soldiers make a stand in a small home, cornered by the monsters. Few werewolf films use more than one werewolf, since one is usually enough. But this one does an excellent job of pitting multiple werewolves against highly trained and heavily armed defenders.

Night of the Living Dead (1968) Judith O’Dea, Duane Jones, Marilyn Eastman, directed and co-written by George Romero

This is the one that really started it all. The original George Romero film, shot on a low budget in rural Pennsylvania with a cast of unknowns, the film founded modern zombie lore, from eaters of living flesh (an attribute properly ascribed to ghouls, while vampires drink blood) to killing them by destroying the brain. Plus the film has aged very well. Filmed in stark black and white with remarkably good acting, the movie is still frightening and the sight and sound of zombie engaging in what came to be known as a "blood feast" is still disturbing.

Dawn of the Dead (1978) Davi Emge, Ken Foree, Scott Reiniger, Gaylen Ross. Written and directed by George Romero

The second film in George Romero's Living Dead series has a different tone from original film, and it adds to the zombie mythos. Continuing the events of the first film, the zombie apocalypse continues and the living are fighting for survival. One group of survivors ends up trapped in a large shopping mall. The woman among them is pregnant, and one of them has been bitten, leading to the theme common in other zombie films, "What do you do if you or someone you love is bitten?" Not only is this a good film of its own accord, it plays on a number of fantasy themes, such as, living in a store, where you can use and consume all of the things you can't afford, for free. Also, for anyone who has ever worked in retail, or who doesn't like shopping, the zombies play the part of shoppers, shambling around the mall mindlessly, while the human survivors pick them off.

Lucio Fulci's Zombie (1979) aka Zombi 2. Tisa Farrow, Ian McCulloch, Richard Johnson, Al Cliver, directed by Lucio Fulci

Italian horror films are different from those in Britain, America, and elsewhere. You may get one or more American actors in a film, it may be set in New York, but they up the gore and shock level in ways you don't typically see elsewhere. Expect injuries to the eye, expect maggots, expect disturbing themes. Expect guys like in the movie poster above. And among the Italian horror directors, Lucio Fulci is a master.

The Evil Dead (1981) Bruce Campbell, Ellen Sandweiss, Betsy Baker, written and directed by Sam Raimi

The first film from legendary horror director Sam Raimi, and the first film with his frequent collaborator, legendary actor Bruce Campbell, this film forges a new set of rules for zombie films that continue through two more films (Evil Dead II, Army of Darkness) and the recent series "Ash vs. Evil Dead". In this film, friends staying at a cabin in Michigan discover a book called the Necronomicon, which begins an assault from the undead. While humans can still be turned by a bite, one key difference is, parts of these zombies can act independently. You don't have to see all of them, but after you see this one, you'll want to.

Night of the Comet (1984) Robert Beltran, Catherine Mary Stuart, Kelli Maroney, written and directed by Thom Eberhardt

In this film, the Earth passes through the tail of a comet. All over the world, people go outside to see the lightshow in the sky, which also happens to turn them to dust. With most of the world's population gone, the few who are left fight to survive against the once-human creatures that were also a result of the comet. In a very 80s moment that has a similar theme but a different feel from "Dawn of the Dead," two sisters decide that the best thing to do when most of the world is gone is go to the mall and shop.

The Return of the Living Dead (1985) James Karen, Don Calfa, Thom Mathews , directed by Dan O’Bannon

Intended as an unofficial sequel to George Romero's "Night of the Living Dead," this one also takes zombie films in a slightly different direction. It turns out that the military sealed up some of the zombies from original outbreak in steel drums used for containing toxic material. When they're cremated and the zombie ashes go out through the chimney of the crematorium, they meet a cloud, which turns them into toxic zombie rain, which soaks into the ground of a cemetery, creating a brand new outbreak. In this film, we get a talking zombie, and we discover what it's like to be a zombie, and that what they crave is brains. Plus, an awesome punk soundtrack to go along with, yes, punk zombies.

Night of the Creeps (1986) Jason Lively, Jill Whitlow, Tom Atkins, written and directed by Fred Dekker

"Thrill me." That's the line you'll always remember, and if you say it, fans of this film will know exactly what you're quoting, and they'll love you forever. It's difficult to describe the film fully, as it's many things. Taking place in both 1959 and 1986, the film starts as a slasher film with a sci-fi twist. When fraternity pledges in 1986 find the body of the victim from the earlier part of the film, the body comes to life, starting a zombie outbreak, which then brings in the fraternity film element, in which the ending many of us watching college films had hoped for arrives as many fraternity and sorority members are brutally killed.

28 Days Later (2002) Cillian Murphy, Christopher Eccleston, Brendan Gleeson, directed by Danny Boyle, written by Alex Garland

By the time this film had come out, zombie films were commonplace and anyone who went to see one knew the rules. Zombies were typically slow and mindless and to stop them you shot, stabbed, or bludgeoned them in the head. With this film, director Danny Boyle broke all the rules and set new ones. In this world, the cause of the outbreak is the Rage virus, which can be spread not only through bites but by getting bodily fluids from the infected into an open wound, or even one's eyes. He also did a great job of showing what the world would be like if say, you just woke up out of a coma in the hospital and all the people were gone.

Dawn of the Dead (2004) Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Mekhi Phifer , directed by Zack Snyder

This remake is true to the original, with essentially the same theme. Survivors of the zombie apocalypse take shelter in a mall and try to survive long enough to get out. It's scarier than the original, plus it has Ving Rhames, who brings a lot to the film. In an odd coincidence, the film is set in Milwaukee, and it looks convincingly like the Milwaukee area. There's even an abandoned mall in Milwaukee (Northridge) that could have served well enough for the shooting of the film. Yet somehow, it was filmed in Ohio, at an abandoned mall there.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Lucy Davis, Kate Ashfield, Bill Nighy, directed by Edgar Wright

The first film from director Edgar Wright and actor Simon Pegg, this comedy is directly influenced by the George Romero Living Dead films. In it, our hero isn't a solider or any sort of heroic type at all. He's not even Ash Williams. He's a directionless slacker, his best friend is also a slacker, and they mostly want to sit around. But they are the ones trying to save their family and friends when the zombies appear.

28 Weeks Later (2007) Robert Carlyle, Rose Byrne, Jeremy Renner, Catherine McCormack

Continuing the zombie saga started with "28 Days Later", this film shows how NATO forces are trying to establish a zombie-free zone in London. The military angle is interesting, and it's fun to see early appearances from stars who became much bigger later, such as Imogen Poots, Idris Elba, and Jeremy Renner.

Quarantine (2008) Jennifer Carpenter, Jay Hendandez, Greg Germann

Found footage films are tedious. Really tedious. But this one is good. Jennifer ("Dexter") Carpenter stars as a TV reporter assigned to follow a fire crew throughout their day. They get sent to an apartment building on a call and find themselves in the middle of an outbreak of a super-strain of rabies, similar to the Rage Virus from ""28 Days Later." Unlike other films, the found footage angle works with this one, as it's a tv crew, and in some cases, it makes the film scarier.

Dead Snow (2009) Stig Frode Henriksen, Charlotte Frogner, directed by Tommy Wirkola

A really well-done Norwegian horror-comedy, the film is about teens being attacked by zombie Nazis. Yes, World War II Nazis, who are resurrected as zombies. What more could you want?

Zombieland (2009) Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin, Bill Murray

This horror-comedy features an all-star cast, including a brilliant cameo from Bill Murray as himself. The film, narrated by Jesse Eisenberg, follows four survivors of the zombie apocalypse who encounter each other and band together as a loose family. The film has strong performances, witty dialogue, and a great balance of comedy and action, but its other strength is its self-awareness. It doesn't need to explain why the zombies are there. We've all seen zombie films, we know how it works. They're very much the Romero rules. Zombies are stupid, slow, and immune to pain. Don't get bit, aim for the head. These are among the many rules for survival Eisenberg's character includes as part of his narrative, which all the members of his group have learned to follow, and which we've seen in other films. The difference is, similar to "Scream" and slasher films, here the rules are actually laid out.

Train to Busan (2016) Gong Yoo, Jung Yu-Mi, Ma Dong-Seok

As you can guess by the title, this all happens on a train from Seoul to Busan as a zombie outbreak occurs and the passengers struggle for survival. The interesting take with the zombies is that they react to sound, seemingly blind otherwise. Among the passengers is a Seok-woo (Gong Yoo) with his daughter. As he helps the high school kids with survival and keeping his daughter safe, will they make it to Busan safely?

28 Years Later (2025) Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Jodie Comer, Ralph Fiennes, directed by Danny Boyle, written by Alex Garland

 In this third part of the series, the zombie apocalypse has ravaged the British Isles, but a small community has formed on an island off the coast of Scotland. Periodically, parties go to mainland Scotland to search for supplies, aware that there are roaming hordes of zombies. When a boy’s mother contracts cancer, he takes her to the mainland in search of a doctor to help her.

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026) Ralph Fiennes, Jack O’Connell, Alfie Williams, directed by Nia DaCosta, written by Alex Garland

In this direct sequel to “29 Years Later”, the boy from the previous film has been rescued by a murderous gang who terrorizes the remaining humans in Scotland. Not wanting to take part in their mayhem, he still relies on them for survival. Meanwhile, the doctor from the previous film may have unwittingly discovered a treatment for victims of the Rage Virus.

Psycho(1960) Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, directed by Alfred Hitchcock

It all begins here. Based on the novel by Robert Bloch, which was in turn inspired by notorious serial killer Ed Gein, this masterpiece by Alfred Hitchcock is the result of Hitchcock being bored and wanting to do something that neither he nor anyone else had ever done. Something that elevated film from suspense to pure terror, and brutal violence. The film does an incredible switch of perspective, as the lead characters change partway through the film, and all of the violence is purposefully, painstakingly realistic.

Last House on the Left (1972) Sandra Pabody, David Hess, Sandra Cassel, written and directed by Wes Craven

The first movie written and directed by Wes Craven, this film is a pioneer of two genres - slasher films, and the lesser-known sub-genre of revenge films, both of which picked up speed in the '70s. When a couple's daughter is brutally killed, the couple realize that by a twist of fate, those who killed her have come to their home. Distraught and seeking vengeance, the couple decide to kill them all, painfully.

Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) Marilyn Burns, Gunnar Hansen, directed by Tobe Hooper

While marketed as "based on actual events," there actually weren't any chain saw killings in Texas, the film, like Psycho, was inspired by Wisconsin serial killer Ed Gein, who like the film's iconic killer Leatherface and his demented family of cannibals, did make things out of his victims. Spawning two sequels, a prequel, and a few remakes, none are quite as good, quite as groundbreaking, quite as brutal as the original. In the case of both "Psycho" and this film, they were so horrific compared to anything that had come before, people passed out and vomited in the theatre. While "Superman the Movie" had the tagline, "You will believe a man can fly," this movie could say, "You will believe you've seen a person get impaled on a meat hook."

I Spit on Your Grave (1978) Camille Keaton, Eron Tabor, written and directed by Meir Zarchi

Another brutal entry in the Revenge Film sub-genre, this movie features a woman who hunts down, mutilates, and kills the group of men who brutally raped her and left her for dead. Banned in multiple countries due to its explicit violence, the film is both reviled and celebrated for its gore.

Halloween (1978) Donald Pleasance, Jamie Lee Curtis, P.J. Soles, Nancy Loomis, Nick Castle, directed by John Carpenter

This wasn't writer-director John Carpenter's first film, but it was the one that put him on the map, subsequently making Michael Myers one of the most iconic killers in film, and launching the career of actress and scream queen Jamie Lee Curtis. The 13th and supposedly final film in the series, "Halloween Ends," comes out this month, all started by this film, in which a maniac, kept in a mental hospital since he killed his sister at age 6, escapes and comes home to kill again, until he encounters a very resilient baby-sitter.

Friday the 13th (1980) Betsy Palmer, Adrienne King, Kevin Bacon, directed by Sean S. Cunningham

With the smash success of "Halloween" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre," of course Hollywood wanted more slasher films, and in the case of "Halloween," stay on the theme of scary times of the year and go with Friday the 13th, plus up the ante on killing scantily-clad teenagers by having the killer stalk and butcher counselors setting up for the season at a summer camp. The film establishes themes continued later in the franchise, as the characters with the worst behaviors (sex, smoking, drinking, drug use) die, while the "final girl" is the smartest, most resourceful, and pure of heart. Note: If you think you've seen them all just because you've seen later entries in the series, you haven't. The first one is entirely different.

Terror Train (1980) Ben Johnson, Jamie Lee Curtis, directed by Roger Spottiswoode

Jamie Lee Curtis isn't considered a scream queen because of the first two Halloween films. She's considered THE Scream Queen because she was in those films, plus "Prom Night," and this film, and she's excellent in all of them. In this film, a group of college students have booked a charter train to celebrate New Year's Eve. But they're being stalked by someone who wants revenge. As Hitchcock showed in "Strangers on a Train," and as shown ever since, trains are an excellent location for a suspense or horror film, because they're big enough to hide in, but there's only so far you can go.

Friday the 13th Part II (1981) Adrienne King, Amy Steel, John Furey, directed by Steve Miner

There are many sequels in this franchise, and you may want to check out all of them, particularly 3, but we've only added the most noteworthy ones to the must-see list. In this one, it still doesn't have all the hallmarks of the later entries in the series, but it's getting there. As the poster says, the body count continues. There's no hockey mask, no unstoppable killer. The film is still about a real person, seeking vengeance on anyone who tries to open Camp Crystal Lake, where a boy named Jason Voorhees drowned years ago.

Sleepaway Camp (1983) Felissa Rose, Katherine Kamhi

Clearly influenced by "Friday the 13th," which had already spawned two sequels, this film continued the still-new but growing genre of slasher films set at a summer camp, which is a great locale. Camps are secluded. Cell phones weren't yet reality, and even today slasher films just say there's no reception due to the remote location, or mountains, or whatever. So you isolate the teens, put them in bikinis because you normally swim there, then start picking them off. Easily done, fun to watch. What makes "Sleepaway Camp" unique is the killer, and the amazing twist at the end.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) John Saxon, Heather Lagenkamp, Robert Englund, Johnny Depp, written and directed by Wes Craven.

Arguably this film could be on our list of Supernatural films you need to see, because in the time frame of the film, Freddy Krueger is no longer an ordinary killer. But the feel of the film is of a slasher film, and Freddy is normally associated with the other slasher icons of Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and Leatherface. Wherever you want to categorize the film, you should still see it. After already having several successful films under his belt, this is what made writer-director Wes Craven a legend, and actor Robert Englund an icon.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) Lilyan Chauvin, Linea Quigley, Robert Brian Wilson, Will Hare, directed by Charles E. Sellier, Jr.

Like "I Spit on Your Grave," this film was banned in many countries, but unlike that film, it wasn't due to the violence, it was due to the theme. "Halloween" started the theme of holiday-themed films, which continued with "Mother's Day" in 1980, and then this classic, set naturally on Christmas, in which the killer is dressed as Santa Claus. Having a killer Claus was too much for many people, thus the ban. If you can, find the anniversary edition DVD, which has a special feature detailing the controversy over the film, which was denounced by legendary actor Mickey Rooney. The irony is, Rooney later starred in the largely forgettable and awful "Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker."

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre Part 2 (1986) Dennis Hopper, Caroline Williams, Bill Moseley, Jim Siedow, directed by Tobe Hooper

As noted, there are multiple sequels, prequels, and reboots in this series, and they're of varying quality. However, this one is unique among all sequels. Not only is it directed by horror legend Tobe Hooper, who directed the original, but it blends horror and comedy in ways unlike any other film. It's rumored that Hooper did the film as a horror-comedy because he was tired of being pestered to do a sequel and he wanted to have it entirely different from the original, and if that's true, that's fine. All that matters is, he made it, and it has the added aspect of starring Dennis Hopper, by then a noted actor for some time, as the heroic lead, hunting down Leatherface and his family for the killings they did in the original, more than a decade earlier.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: The Dream Warriors (1987) Heather Langenkamp, Patricia Arquette, Lawrence Fishburne, John Saxon, Robert Englund

This film again takes the Nightmare franchise down a different path as some of the kids he's been preying on realize that Freddy isn't the only one with powers in the dream world. They can have powers, too, that make them much more in dreams than they are in their real lives. Not only is this worth watching for the new direction in the series, but it also marks the return of actress Heather Langenkamp from the original film, plus key roles for Patricia Arquette and Lawrence (billed as Larry) Fishburn, both of whom would go on to much bigger careers afterward in films such as "True Romance" and "The Matrix."

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) Gordon Currie, Kelly Hu, Kane Hodder, written and directed by Rob Hadden

By the 1980s, much of America assumed New York City was a hellhole that had slid so far into crime and violence that it was possibly irredeemable, thus resulting in films like "Escape from New York," which gave the solution of just walling off the city and making it a large prison. That's the sentiment behind this film, which is noteworthy for two things: One, it gets Jason out of Camp Crystal Lake, which breathed new life into the series. Two, in a series that became so routine one would basically just watch it to see how clever the kills would be, it has two of the most satisfying in the history of slasher films. The first is when Jason efficiently and brutally picks up a victim's sleeping bag, with the occupant still in it, and beats it against a tree. The other, in New York, when a street criminal thinks he can out-fight Jason. He ends exhausting himself, and when Jason sees the thug will fight no more, Jason simply punches his head clear off his body, sending it into a dumpster.

Scream (1996) Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courtney Cox, Matthew Lillard, Rose McGowan, Drew Barrymore, written by Kevin Williamson, directed by Wes Craven

While "Shaun of the Dead" is a fun film of its own accord, the real value is that it showed that zombie films had progressed so far that everyone knew the rules. This is also the significance of "Scream," which came out several years earlier. Here, master of horror Wes Craven, who had produced, written, and/or directed many horror films at this point, deconstructs the slasher genre pointing out what by then were the tired, assumed rules of every slasher film, because it had become obvious to everyone watching the films that the good girl would be left in the end, plus all the mistakes the victims made throughout the film. This was a brilliant move by Craven, as it forced the creators of slasher films to try harder, while also giving us the gore and suspense we expecting.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003) Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger

This match-up had been teased at the end of a previous "Friday the 13th" installment, in which Jason has been killed yet again, and Freddy's clawed hand comes out of the ground to grab the signature hockey mask lying on Jason's grave. Finally, the film became reality, with Jason and Freddy each killing their share of teens, and attacking each other both in the dream world and in Camp Crystal Lake. Not since "King Kong vs. Godzilla" had there been such a battle of titans, with the added bonus that this film actually maintains continuity with both film franchises, marking the end of each before their reboots.

House of 1000 Corpses (2003) Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Sheri Moon, Karen Black, written and directed by Rob Zombie

Two couples hoping for some side road freak show entertainment get more than they bargained for when they are kidnapped by a family of sadistic killers.

Wolf Creek (2005) John Jarratt, Cassandra Magrath, written and directed by Greg McLean

Showing that not all slasher films take place in America, this film, based on actual events, takes us to Australia, where a killer has been stalking and killing victims for years. What makes this film, and the sequels, different is that the killer, Mick Taylor, never becomes superhuman like Freddy, Jason, or Michael. Nor is he largely mute like Leatherface or again, Michael. He's a normal guy who just happens to be skilled hunter and decent combatant, armed with a number of guns, knives, and other tools to really ruin your day. He's even kind of likeable, when he's not terrifying.

Halloween (2018) Jamie Lee Curtis, Judy Greer, Andi Matichak, James Jude Courtney, Nick Castle

This film isn't a reboot like the Rob Zombie film, it's a direct sequel to the original film. In this one, the events of Halloween 2 and the other films of the series have never occurred. Instead, Michael Myers is captured and held again after his attacks in Haddonfield, Illinois. 40 years later, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), the girl who fought him off, is still haunted by the events of that night. Much like Sarah Connor in Terminator 2, she has prepared herself and waited for the time when her attacker would come back, and it has ruined her life and distanced her family. But now Michael has returned and they both mean to finish what they started.

Ghostbusters" (1984) Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Rick Moranis, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts, directed by Ivan Reitman

It's hard to aptly describe this film, mainly due to its impact. Two sequel, a remake, a cartoon, toys, comic books. The reach is long, but the premise is simple: A group of scientists band together to not only investigate, but eliminate, paranormal pests, as exterminators do with roaches, or the Humane Society and Department of Animal Control do with wild animals that get into your home.

Beetlejuice (1988) Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Geena Davis, Alec Baldwin, Catherine O’Hara, directed by Tim Burton

One of director Tim Burton's truly great creations, "Beetlejuice" is a unique horror comedy about a couple happily married couple, who are also ghosts, are upset that a new family is moving into their home and wanting to change things. Unable to scare the family out themselves, the ghosts turn to a specialist in the field of frightening the living.

Ghost (1990) Demi Moore, Patrick Swayze, Whoopi Goldberg, directed by Jerry Zucker

There are a few iconic films on this list, and this is one of them. Once, long ago, Whoopi Goldberg acted in films, and her performance in this film won her an Oscar. All of the performances in the film are excellent, and it made Demi Moore one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood. But what is it about? Moore and Patrick Swayze play a couple torn apart when Swayze's character is killed. He lingers as a ghost, loving her from beyond the grave. Goldberg plays a fake psychic who is surprised she actually can see and talk to the dead.

The Frighteners (1996) Michael J. Fox, John Astin, Dee Wallace Stone, Jeffrey Combs, Jake Busey, R. Lee Ermey, directed by Peter Jackson

This supernatural comedy, starring Michael J. Fox, takes a different look at supernatural investigators. Fox plays a man who develops the ability to talk to the dead, so he uses the ability to send ghosts to peoples homes, then he charges a fee to remove the ghosts. Most people think he's a con man, but the ghosts are real. The twist comes when an entity arises that plagues both the living and the dead.

The Ring (2002) Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson, David Dorfman, directed by Gore Verbinski

Based on the Japanese film, "Ring", this film relies heavily on disturbing visuals, and it delivers. Naomi Watts plays a journalist investigating stories of a cursed video tape. Those who watch the tape reportedly die 7 days after watching it, and it seems the rumors may be true.

The Orphanage (2007) Geraldine Chaplin, Belen Rueda, Fernando Cayo, directed by J.A. Bayona

A woman convinces her husband to buy the abandoned orphanage where she grew up, so they can reopen it as a home for disabled children. But the former residents may not all be gone, and not all of them were happy there.

Mama (2013)) Jessica Chastain, Javier Botet, Nikolai Coster-Waldau, directed by Andy Muschielli

A creepy but endearing film, "Mama" tells the tale of a protective mother who continues to look after her children years after her husband kills her.

creature films

Jaws (1975) Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw, Richard Dreyfus, Lorraine Grey, directed by Steven Spielberg

Not only is this a great film, it's a landmark film. While it wasn't his first movie, this was the film that put director Steven Spielberg on the map. It was also the first "summer blockbuster", setting the trend for films for years to come. And it had a huge cultural impact, making people to this day nervous to swim anywhere, for fear of being eaten, while also spawning countless movies of similar themes, from its own 3 sequels to films like "Tentacles," "Piranha," "Orca," and "Shark Night."

The Thing (1982) Kurt Russel, Keith David, Wilford Brimley, directed by John Carpenter

A remake of "The Thing from Another World", which was inspired by the classic story, "Who Goes There?" by John Campbell, this movie is rightfully regarded as one of director John Carpenter's best efforts. With an excellent cast, including Kurt Russell in his second film with Carpenter, the effects are as mind-blowing and stomach-churning today as they were 40 years ago.

As with "The Blob" and "The Gorgon", the concept of "The Thing" is horrifying. The Thing is an alien that can look like any living creature or animal, absorbing all of the traits of what it has come into contact with. So it can be anyone, while it can also spontaneously sprout tentacles, spider legs, extra heads, whatever it needs to survive. And it's almost impossible to kill.

The Terminator (1984) Arnold Schwarzenneger, Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn, directed by James Cameron

As with "Alien" you could argue that this is a science-fiction film. It's about a robot (actually a cyborg) who comes to our time from the present in order to kill the woman who will give birth to the man who will lead the humans as they battle for survival after machines try to wipe them out. However, just by looking at the description on the original movie poster you can see the intent was to create a chilling, unstoppable creature who is hunting down a woman and killing anyone who gets in its way. And the Terminator is indeed fearsome. Arnold Schwarzennegger has never looked bigger on-screen, dwarfing the rest of the cast, and the violence he dishes out is brutal. While later entries are more action-oriented, at its core, this is a horror film.

Gremlins (1984) Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, written by Chris Columbus, directed by Joe Dante

If your memory is selective, you may only recall Gizmo the cute Mogwai who is the tiny, furry star of the film, alongside Zach Galligan and 80s icon Phoebe Cates. However, Gizmo is only one of several Gremlins in the film, and the most pure-hearted of them, the rest eventually becoming quite mischievous, if not evil, particularly their leader, Stripe, and the evil Gremlins have not only the potential to be lethal, they are dispatched in frequently gory, horrible ways, such as blowing them up in the microwave. Sure, there's cuteness and fun, which Executive Producer Steven Spielberg went on to specialize in, but there's also significant terror involving tiny beings, which director Joe Dante also went on to specialize in.

Chopping Mall (1986) Kelli Maroney, Barbara Crampton, Mary Woronov, directed by Jim Wynorski

Security robots in a mall malfunction into killing machines, going after a group of teens partying after hours.

Tremors (1990) Kevin Bacon, Fred WArd, Micahel Gross, Reba McEntire directed by Ron Underwood

Enormous worm-like things burrow beneath the ground and come up to chomp on prey. Some scariness, a whole lot of fun. Imagine "Jaws" but on land.

Pan's Labyrinth (2006) Ivana Baquero, Sergi Lopez, Doug Jones, written and directed by Guillermo del Toro

This masterpiece from Guillermo del Toro is technically a fantasy film, detailing a hidden world full of bizarre creatures, but it's a very dark fantasy, with some of the creatures being quite disturbing or scary, such and the one seen above.

Pacific Rim (2013) Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Charlie Day, Ron Perlman, directed by Guillermo del Toro

Both a science-fiction and horror film, the movie details a period in the future when giant monsters are emerging from a dimensional portal in the Pacific Ocean. The monsters typically are drawn to and destroy cities, so a specially trained team of people piloting giant robots are used to stop the monsters.

supernatural

Child's Play (1987) Catherine Hicks, Chris Sarandon, Brad Dourif, directed by Tom Holland

Maybe you're thinking, "What? Why is this film here with the Supernatural movies, it's a slasher film!" No, no it's not. 35 years ago, when this franchise started, a franchise that had many sequels and now two seasons of an ongoing series, it started as the story of a criminal who, cornered and dying, uses his knowledge of the occult to transfer his soul into a doll. Then, now as an animated doll, he goes on a quest to get his soul back into a living body, perhaps the body of the boy who the doll was given to. That criminal, Chucky, continues that quest today.

Monster Squad (1987) Andre Gower, Tom Noonan, Stan Shaw, directed by Fred Dekker, written by Shane Black and Fred Dekker

The great thing about the Universal Horror films of the 1940s was when you'd see the great monsters in the same film, with "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man" being the best example. This movie has a bit of that energy, with all 5 classic era monsters - Dracula, the Mummy, the Wolf Man, Frankenstein's monster, and the Creature (aka Fish Man) all appearing in the film together, with more of an adventure/Goonies spin on things than flat-out scariness.

Hellraiser (1987) Andrew Robinson, Clare Higgins, Ashley Laurence, written and directed by Clive Barker

Before this movie came out, a quote from Stephen King ran on many of Clive Barker's books, stating, "I have seen the future of horror, and it is Clive Barker." That's a hefty statement to make, but this film, written and directed by Barker, proved it accurate, as "Hellraiser" was one of the most unique, visceral iconic horror films ever, spawning many sequels (some of them good). Essentially the film shows that there are many roads to Hell, and one of them is a puzzle box. Not all who go to Hell are condemned there. Some go voluntarily, seeking the ultimate transfusion of pain into pleasure. Whether you condemn yourself or find your way there by accident, the angel/demons known as the Cenobites will be there to cut you, pierce you, break you, and otherwise mutilate you far beyond what your mind could predict or comprehend.

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) Clare Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Kenneth Cranham

Continuing after the events of part 1, Kirsty (Ashley Laurence) is in a psychiatric hospital relaying her story to a doctor who is unknowingly into occult worship. Upon learning of Julia’s fate, the doctor resurrects her and uses another patient to solve the infamous puzzle box to unleash the Cenobites and open a gate to Hell. Meanwhile, Kirsty is convinced her father is in Hell and desperately tries to find him but is finding other information that will save her from being trapped herself. Fun fact: I had seen this movie many times, but as taped-off-HBO version not knowing it was edited. I have watched this movie recently on DVD and was shocked to see some of the gorier imagery that I was never privy to before. Who knew HBO edited movies?!

Night of the Demons (1988) Cathy Podewell, Amelia Kinkade, Linea Quigley

This film is a good mix of scary and fun. When a group of teens has a party at an abandoned funeral parlor on Halloween night, they awaken an evil presence that begins to possess them, turning them into demons.

The Stand (1994) Gary Sinise, Rob Lowe, Molly Ringwald, Miguel Ferrer, Ray Walston, Laura San Giacomo, Ruby Dee, Ossie Davis

Yes, it was technically a tv mini-series but 1. See it anyway 2. Look at the cast - wall to wall movie stars. Based on what many consider Stephen King's best novel, the film resurrected the career of actor Rob Lowe, and showed many that Molly Ringwald could do more than teen films. The plot is simple - a highly contagious, highly lethal supervirus has wiped out most of the population of the world, seemingly overnight. Those who are left are guided by visions to join survivors in one of two locations. One area seems to attract inherently good people, the other area - Las Vegas - bad people, with Randall Flagg, who may be the devil himself, running the show in Vegas.

Sleepy Hollow (1999) Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson, directed by Tim Burton

Hands down Dandy’s favorite Tim Burton film. Feel free to argue about it, but the aesthetics of this movie always screamed German Expressionism. Backed by the talent of its carefully selected actors, most being Burton favorites in a time before we realized he had favorites. Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) is sent to the town of Sleepy Hollow to investigate the murders of some of the town folk all having the same cause of death-decapitation. Upon investigation, he encounters the entity of the Headless Horseman, and it becomes a race to protect the next victim and figure out who is controlling the Horseman with calculated victims.

EXCELLENT HORROR FILMS BEYOND GENRE

Carrie (1976) Sissy Spacek, Piper Laurie, Amy Irving, P.J. Soles, Betty Buckley, Nancy Allen, John Travolta, directed by Brian De Palma

As with "Duel," this film pairs a great writer and a talented director, in this case Brian DePalma adapting the first novel of Stephen King. This film was groundbreaking, essentially introducing the world to King, actress Sissy Spacek, and other actors and actresses in the film, including William Katt and John Travolta. The film has been redone, and spawned a musical, but none are as good as this must-see original about a shy and sheltered young high school girl, Carrie, (Spacek) who is subjected to the most humiliating high school prank of all time. What her peers don't know is Carrie has also developed telekinetic abilities that make her a force to be reckoned with.

They Live (1988) Roddy Piper, Keith David, Meg Foster, written and directed by John Carpenter

This classic from director John Carpenter is perhaps his most socially relevant film, in which a man finds that when he (or anyone) puts on special sunglasses, the world we live in is revealed to be a simulation. The reality is, television and advertising work subliminally to make people consume, spend, question nothing, and submit to authority. Plus, people all around us, in government, in the media, even our neighbors, are actually hideous aliens.

The Silence of the Lambs (1991) Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, Scott Glenn, Ted Levine directed by Jonathan Demme

While Hannibal Lecter had already made an appearance before, in the film, "Manhunter," based on the novel, "Red Dragon," it was this film that introduced us to Lecter as portrayed by Anthony Hopkins, and that portrayal made Lecter a household name. Based on the novel by Thomas Harris, the film finds FBI trainee Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) assigned to interview captured serial killer and psychiatrist Lecter to aid the pursuit of a new killer, dubbed Buffalo Bill.

The Addams Family (1991) Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld

It takes a lot of guts to make a film about an iconic and beloved TV series, and cast none of the originals in it. Sure, original Morticia Addams Carolyn Jones was dead, as was original Lurch Ted Cassidy, but original Gomez John Astin was still alive and working when this film was released. Not only was the film made, but new Gomez Raul Julia and new Morticia Angelica Huston were so good in their roles, with so much chemistry, that they fans to this day have a hard time choosing a favorite.

Swimfan (2002) Jesse Bradford, Erika Christensen, Shiri Appleby

Sexy tales of obsession are nothing new, and they vary widely in quality. You can find them anywhere from the big screen to the Hallmark Channel, and the formula is usually the same. The good character is tempted with forbidden love or sex with an attractive "bad" character. The forbidden tryst occurs, and that should be that. But then their forbidden hookup won't go away, threatening their relationship, their job, and ultimately their life. That's pretty much the case here, but "Swimfan" is so suspenseful, so stylish, and some of the scenes so hot, that it stands out as one worth watching.

High Tension (2003) Cecile de France, Maiwenn, Philippe Nanon, directed by Alexandre Aja

In talking to horror fans, there are a few films that get mentioned on lists of films that really disturbed them. Films so brutal they had nightmares, or felt sick. "High Tension," is one of those films. It combines the best elements of a slasher film with a psychological horror film in a unique package that will ingrain it in your memory and make you say, "wow."

Planet Terror (2007) Rose McGowan, Michael Biehn, Josh Brolin, Freddy Rodriguez, written and directed by Robert Rodriguez

In 2007, friends, writer-directors, and collaborators Quentin Tarentino and Robert Rodriguez teamed up on what might be the ultimate project - "Grindhouse" a double feature in which they paid tribute to the schlocky yet awesome films of the 1970s seen most often in drive-in theatres. Each director contributed his own film, with other directors such as Rob Zombie contributing trailers for fake movies in the same style (Zombie's was "Rob Zombie's Thanksgiving). This was Rodriguez's contribution to the project, which features Tarantino, Bruce Willis, and Rose McGowan as a girl who loses her leg in the fight against zombies, replacing it with a machine gun. It makes no sense, as tends to be the case with grindhouse films, but it's awesome all the same.

Orphan (2009) Vera Farmiga, Peter Skarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman, CCH Pounder, directed by Jaume Collet-Serra

There are a few movies out there about evil kids. This one, about an orphan named Esther who is adopted by a normal, loving family, seems to be one of those, as Esther, who has a troubled past, starts killing those around her. Except this isn't a standard evil kid film. Evan after you know what makes it different, you'll want to watch it again.

Cabin in the Woods (2012) Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, written by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard, directed by Drew Goddard

As we noted in our list of slasher films, what made "Scream" brilliant was that it acknowledged that most slasher films had become blatantly formulaic, and it actually stated what the formula was, then redefined it. This film goes a step further, combining the familiar tropes of effectively every horror film, from slasher films to monster movies into one film, then saying there's a very good reason why they're all the same, with teenagers coming to the woods to party and die for generations. There's no movie like this. Brilliant and funny.

Weapons (2025) Josh Brolin, Julia Garner, Aiden Ehrenreich, Amy Madigan, Benedict Wong, written and directed by Zach Cregger

 Essentially this is a supernatural film, since there is a witch involved, but it feels like so much more. When 17 children from the same classroom run away on the same night at the same time, leaving only one child behind, most parents blame their teacher, but the reasons are much more sinister.

Gene Lass and Dandy J. West are lifelong horror fans and film buffs. They are the former editors of the blog "So Good It's Scary."

hidden gem horror films

by dandy j. west and gene lass

October is the time of year when people are looking for recommendations for good horror movies, unless you’re like us and you watch them year-round. If you look at lists, you’ll get the usual classics out there and some of the box office hits. But what you’re typically not getting are the hidden gems – films that weren’t released for long, or that may have been successful but have since been forgotten. Here we have a list of some of our favorites, ranging from influential but forgotten classics to horror comedies to truly horrifying films that will haunt you and turn your stomach.
Note: For films that both of us have seen, you’ll see * Dandy approved or * Gene approved. Otherwise they’re films one of us has seen that we’d heartily recommend.

1. Fido (2006 horror comedy)

   I love, love, love this film. If you’re under 50, chances are you’ve never seen an episode of “Lassie” but that’s exactly what this film is, if you replace Lassie, the family dog who always saves the day, with Fido, a zombie. The premise is that the world is now a utopia because, while the zombie apocalypse has occurred, the zombies were tamed with control collars, so now zombies are doing all the jobs living humans didn’t want to, like mowing lawns, working in factories, and other tedious or dangerous things that didn’t require a lot of intelligence. Academy Award-winning actor and comedian Billy Connoly plays Fido, who may remember more of his life among the living than people expect, leading the public to wonder if it’s right to have the dead do their laundry.

2. Targets (1968 horror/thriller)

At this point in career, Boris Karloff was a legend who rose to fame playing Frankenstein’s Monster and the Mummy then did far lesser films, often for producer/director Roger Corman, in which he played a wizard or a mad scientist, In this unique film, Karloff essentially plays himself, and he’s delightful. Peter Bogdanovich, who would come to acclaim later but was at this point just beginning his career, co-stars and directs, and all the scenes he shares with Karloff are pure magic, but Karloff’s scenes by himself are even better, my favorite being a scene in which Karloff sees his reflection in a mirror and inadvertently scares himself. In the film, Karloff is a horror legend set to retire, but he’ll make one more appearance at a drive-in, which will be showing a double feature of two of his films. At the same time, a young man in the area becomes unhinged, killing his family and hiding out behind the screen at the drive-in, where he plans to snipe attendees. This part of the plot is based on the 1966 shooting at the University of Texas in Austin, one of many moments in the late 60s that haunted America.

3. Island of Lost Souls (1932 horror/sci-fi)

Released the year after his legendary role as “Dracula”, this film, based on H.G. Wells’ novel, “The Island of Dr. Moreau” features Charles Laughton as Dr. Moreau, a scientist who has been combining animals and humans, and Bela Lugosi as one of his “animal men.” The film was banned in many countries for its themes, but has been a major influence for years, including, oddly, for the band Devo, who took their band name, and the name of one of their albums, “Are We Not Men?” from the film. Worth finding, particularly in the fully restored version, not just as the film itself, but also to see why Lugosi continued to be a legend and in-demand actor after “Dracula.”

4. The Menu (2022 horror/black comedy) *Dandy approved

This movie hits home for any horror fan, but also anyone who has ever worked in food service or customer service. In it, Anya Taylor-Joy and Nicholas Hoult are on a dinner, date, headed to an island for an invitation-only multi-course gourmet dinner prepared by a legendary chef, played by Ralph Fiennes. It quickly becomes apparent that there are actually two mysteries about the evening – one being what the next course will be, and the other – why were these specific guests invited?

5. Carver (2006 slasher)

I don’t watch many slasher films anymore, because I’m beyond tired of the formula. Teenagers or adults in their early 20s go camping, or have a party, or get lost somewhere, and for whatever reason, someone starts killing them. After a while it comes down to the creativity of their deaths, the gore, and if there’s any actual suspense to the film or whether it’s just a splatterfest. It’s even worse now in the age of CGI, where computers ironically make a movie look cheaper and faker than prosthetics and colored corn syrup “blood” ever did.
Carver is a serious exception. Yes, it’s about two brothers and their friends who run into trouble on a camping trip, but there are plot elements you don’t see in other films, there’s suspense, there’s character development, and one of the most sheerly gruesome kills I’ve ever seen in a film, done with conventional effects. Both the sound and image of it are forever burned in my memory, and they continue to make my stomach turn when I think of them.

6. All About Evil (2010 horror comedy)

This film is everything you would want in a low-budget campy horror film. Natasha Lyonne stars as a young woman who inherited her family’s low-budget movie theatre, which typically shows classic and grindhouse horror films. In order to keep it in business, she starts producing snuff films, then showing them at the theatre as if they fictional grindhouse films. It’s hilarious, it’s horrible, and if you’ve ever worked in a movie theatre, it was at one point probably your darkest fantasy.

7. Antibirth (2016 horror comedy)

This film, also starring Natasha Lyonne, really cemented the fact that she has a talent for dark comedy that makes use of her own reputation while also being disturbing and funny. Here, she and IRL friend Chloe Sevigny play hard-partying friends living in a small town in Michigan. They continually smoke, drink, and take whatever drugs they can find, while sleeping with whomever. That’s all fun until Lyonne’s character gets pregnant, and the pregnancy is far from normal. Comedy is mixed with some very disturbing body horror, and a unique twist ending that I continue to smile at almost a decade later.

8.     Llamageddon (2015 horror comedy)

This film is just uniquely awesome. Think of “Killer Clowns from Outer Space”, but with llamas, not clowns. Killer space llamas, who come to Earth by accident, then proceed to kill or mate with whatever they find as a means of conquest. There are disturbing body horror scenes on a par with John Carpenter’s “The Thing”, also involving llamas, but that clearly used up the budget, so later scenes were done in the form of cartoon animation. It’s hilarious, it’s gory (so gross and gory you may watch with your hands over your eyes, peeking between your fingers), it’s a must-see.

9.     Beyond the Black Rainbow (2010 horror)

If you like “Stranger Things”, you need to see this film, the first film from writer/director Panos Cosmatos. Like “Stranger Things”, which debuted 6 years later, the film is set in 1983, and it features a young girl with psychic powers who is held by a mysterious institute doing paranormal research. The color palette for the film is incredible, the music is retro, everything about it screams 1980s, with the jaundiced eye of modern audiences.

10.     King of the Ants (2003 horror)

Directed by legend Stuart (“Re-Animator”) Gordon, the film features noted “Cheers” actor George Wendt in a rare (if not only) and highly effective appearance as a bad guy. Wendt read the original novel, then contacted the author and Gordon about developing it as a film. In the film, a young man, down on his luck, agrees to kill someone for a shady real estate developer. When the developer then refuses to pay the young man, who went through with the murder, the young man objects, and so the developer has his thugs take the young man out to a remote location in the California desert, where each day, the thugs wrap foam padding around his head before hitting him in the skull with a baseball bat. The intent is to do just enough brain damage to make him forget the murder he committed, and lose the ability to implicate the men or their boss.
It's a seriously disturbing, graphically accurate tale of survival and revenge, while also being a testament to what humans will do to each other, and what they can overcome.

11.     Mandy (2018 action/horror

This second film by writer/director Panos Cosmatos continues Cosmatos’ style of incredible color and lighting with a retro ‘80s flair, this time starring Nicolas Cage as Red Miller, a veteran with an alcoholic past, living quietly with his wife, Mandy, in the Pacific Northwest. After a random encounter with a local cult, the couple are kidnapped and Mandy is murdered, leaving Red to seek revenge. The film is everything you would want, including Cage shifting from troubled but functional to full-on unhinged and hallucinating, and, yes, a chainsaw duel.

12.     A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014 horror)

Like slasher movies, vampire movies and stories have been done so much that for some they’ve become tiresome. This makes films that do something different, like “Let the Right One In” and this film, so much better. Welcomingly refreshing. Writer/director Ana Lily Amirpour calls this “an Iranian vampire western,” and given how it bends and crosses genres, that makes sense. Set in modern-day Iran but shot in California, the film, beautifully shot in black and white, depicts a young female vampire, drifting along the streets of a small town each night, where she encounters good people and bad. She typically preys on the bad and sympathizes with the good, making her an antihero character who is still by nature a killer, but still a relatable girl who listens to music, rides a skateboard, and dreams of being loved.

13.     Revenge (2018, French, horror/thriller)

Drawing deeply from classic revenge films, most notably “I Spit on Your Grave”, this film depicts a woman who goes out to the California desert to spend a romantic weekend with her boyfriend, a married man, at a swank vacation home. When two friends of his arrive, she’s raped, grievously injured, and left for dead. She survives, and seeks revenge, with her attackers hunting her as much as she’s hunting them. It’s bloody, it’s graphic, but like other films on this list, it’s better written and of better quality than many previous entries in the genre. On the point of good writing, is the girl’s character arc. As is the case in a lot of horror or suspense films, the plot hinges on making bad decisions, and early on, she makes plenty. In some films this would make her a throwaway character, a victim. But in this film we learn she’s smarter than one would think, resourceful, determined, and the film explores that without getting preachy or testing our suspension of disbelief.

14.     Rubber (2010 horror comedy)

Look at that image. Yes, it’s a killer tire. What else do you need to know, really? That alone is brilliant, but “Rubber” goes the extra mile, into meta territory, as it becomes a tongue-in-cheek film-within-a film, with the pseudo-audience also dying bizarre and horrific deaths.

15.     Killer Sofa (2019 horror comedy)

Like “Rubber”, “Killer Sofa” is part of a fun horror sub-genre pioneered by the classic “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” and its sequels. Horror spoofs that take something totally benign, like a tomato, tire, or piece of furniture, and make it bloodthirsty and deadly. However, unlike “Rubber” or the Killer Tomato films, “Killer Sofa” isn’t over the top. It’s done seriously, making it an absurdist horror comedy. The only thing wrong with it, really, is that it’s not about a sofa. As you can clearly see from the promotional art, it’s more like a killer recliner, but that wouldn’t sound as cool.

16.     Black Sheep (2006 horror comedy) *Dandy approved

This is another film that speaks for itself. Killer sheep. Not only are they killer sheep, but they’re basically zombie sheep in the vein of “28 Days Later.” This concept is hilarious, but the film also brings in a significant element of suspense and horror, given that it’s set in New Zealand, where there are more sheep than people.

17.     Late Phases (2014 horror)

Werewolf movies have been around since 1935, when “Werewolf of London”, the first full-length werewolf film, was released. Since then, like vampire films and slasher films, they’ve tended to go over the same lore over and over again, with some differences, and in the case of werewolf films, the big difference has been the quality of the makeup effects and the level of gore.

That’s what makes this film, like others on the list, vastly different. The entire plot is different. In it, an aging vet, blinded in the Viet Nam war (brilliantly played by Nick Damici of “Stakeland” fame) , is checked into a senior living community by his son, despite asserting that he can take care of himself. Now living with his beloved service dog, the man takes note that a lot of the residents are dying, even more than you’d think for a senior community, and the deaths seem to follow the phases of the moon. What’s more, as he’s noted through his hearing and sense of smell, senses he relies upon because he’s blind, there have been odd sounds and smells corresponding with the deaths. He concludes that a werewolf is preying on the residents, and despite his limitations, he sets out to use his military skills to take the monster(s) down.

18. American Mary (2012)

Mary, played by Katharine Isabelle, is a struggling med student studying to be a surgeon. Desperate to make money, she finds herself in a strip club answering an ad to be a masseuse. Instead, she finds herself aiding an injured man hurt conducting some underbelly crime. Trying to detach herself from the incident and move on with her life, a string of bad circumstances come her way which make her quit med school. Then an offer to perform illegal surgeries and body modifications becomes her new calling. Revenge is best served cold.

19. Lisa Frankenstein (2024)

Lisa (Kathryn Newton) is an eccentric high school student living in the shadow of a home invasion that killed her mother. Although her father had moved on and remarried, Lisa was lost, preferring the company of a headstone belonging to a young man in the old graveyard. Lightning strikes and The Creature, playfully played by Cole Sprouse, arises. Together, they quietly move around in their small community as they bring The Creature back to life using body parts from other people and a faulty tanning bed. A throwback to 80s horror, this movie is witty and charming with a few good chuckles.

20. The Hole (2001)

A group of high school students played by Thora Brich, Desmond Harrington, Keira Knightly, and Laurence Fox all skip the school trip to party in an old bunker. All is fun and games until they try to leave at the end of the weekend only to find themselves locked in the bunker with no way out. As they start to starve and turn on each other, it ponders the question of what really happened down there? Was it really an accident or was it planned?

21. The Innkeepers (2011) *Gene approved

A quiet, small town hotel is closing down and two employees are there working overnight to accommodate a few guests and finish stripping the rooms. A worthy note to mention is one of the guests is Kelly McGillis, playing a drunken Medium in town for an event. The one worker is also deadset on catching paranormal activity within the hotel. As he sets up his equipment, Claire (Sara Paxton) goes about her day, not paying much mind to his antics. Still, she’s fascinated when he catches brief encounters and wants to help out when he takes a break. However, Claire is in for more than she anticipated as she starts to see and hear things around the hotel. Are the activities real or a figment of her imagination? This one was truly spooky for any ghost fans.

23. May (2002) *Gene approved

A story of a painfully shy girl named May, Angela Bettis plays this oddball character well. Her social awkwardness is unparalleled. When she was a child, she had a lazy eye which led to her being bullied. In an effort to soothe her insecurities and loneliness, her mother gifts her a doll and tells May to “make” her friends. As an adult, people are drawn to May, but her awkwardness pushes them away, leaving her with crippling abandonment issues. She takes her mother’s advice too far and decides to make herself a friend, using parts from the people who’ve done her wrong.

23. C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud (1989)

This was always a personal favorite of mine from when I was a child. This movie is more zombie than sewer dwellers as the movie poster predicts. Bud (Gerrit Graham) is an infected zombie from the military whose body decides to go on a little adventure. When he awakens, he wreaks havoc across the town, biting people and turning them into zombies, creating his own army. However, Bud comes across a picture of Katie (Trisha Leigh Fisher) and falls in love. His wrath throughout town turns into a search for her and as she runs away, the more he pursues. His offering turns into an aww moment, but then you remember he’s a zombie. A classic cheesy 80s horror comedy at its finest. 

24. Possession (2009)

Sarah Michelle Gellar (Jess) has the perfect husband, Ryan. He’s warm, loving, and caring. Of course, the package wouldn’t be complete without his deadbeat brother Roman, played by Lee Pace. A tragic accident leaves both brothers in a coma, leaving Jess completely alone and unable to function without Ryan. Roman awakens, but he’s not Roman. He’s Ryan stuck in Roman’s body. After a lot of convincing, Jess starts to accept that this is real, but starts to become skeptical as she starts to see cracks in Roman-Ryan’s demeanor and stories. The search is on to uncover the truth. Was this an elaborate scheme or did they actually switch bodies? The DVD offers two different endings to this movie depending on what you want to believe. Although it’s not a “Choose Your Own Adventure,” the alternate ending is worth checking out.

25. Stoker (2013)

A twisted gothic-like tale of a young girl (Mia Wasikowski) whose father dies on her birthday and finds herself infatuated with her long-lost uncle. At the funeral her uncle (Matthew Goode) surfaces, a person that she has never met, but is instantly drawn to. He has this magnetic pull from her and she’s drawn deeper into this dark psyche of wanting to hurt people. Meanwhile, her unstable mother (Nicole Kidman) keeps making subtle plays for Charlie even though he’s completely disinterested. He only has eyes for India. Was her father’s death really an accident? Who is Charlie deep down?

27. Love Object (2003)

Desmond Harrington delivers on the role of Kenneth, a socially awkward technical writer who becomes obsessed with his coworker, Lisa (Melissa Sagemiller). Instead of approaching her, he decides to have a life-sized sex doll made in her likeness. His relationship with the doll harms none, but as the real Lisa starts to show interest in him, he’s in a war of emotions between his doll and the real thing. As he discovers “flaws” on the real Lisa, he becomes more unhinged and violent towards his doll until he directs his rage elsewhere. The film offers a good twist ending as well, definitely not a miss! I’d recommend this movie and “May” as a double feature!

28. Shark Night (2011)

A group of college students get more than they bargained for when they vacation at a fellow friend’s summer home. The lake around the home is infested with sharks. Believed that the sharks have been washed in by a hurricane, it becomes a test of wills as the group try to escape this remote hell for help. As they start to become shark bait, it’s revealed there’s a bigger ulterior motive afoot. Starring Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Katharine McPhee, Chris Carmack, and Donal Logue. This is a fun spring break feature to watch at your lake house!

The Real Rules of Dating

by dandy j. west and gene lass

Some people like dating. They like flirting, the chase, the romance, getting to know each other, and having fun. Others really hate it, some to the point where they stay single forever. The mixed signals, the tiresome pursuit, the mind games, the awkwardness, the expense, the social pressure, the time investment.

One of the biggest headaches of dating is not having a roadmap of how to do it. Even when the book “The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” by Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein was published in 1995, the efficacy of the guidelines was hotly debated. Eventually it was conceded that while some of the suggestions could be effective, others were counterproductive and likely to lead to a bad relationship if you were able to find someone at all.

It's an even bigger factor today, when there have been changing moral standards, changes in technology, and more. So, from our experience, this is what you should do and not do when you’re out there in the mine field that is the dating world.

Asking someone out

“Does he like me or does he like me like me?” So much stress and anxiety goes into this stage. Having the bravery to ask someone out.

 First, it’s the 21st century, well past the time when it’s acceptable for anyone to ask out anyone. This isn’t a Jane Austen novel, where someone pines away for years hoping to be asked out to a ball before dying mercifully of consumption. If you like someone, ask them out. If they say no, c’est la vie. You asked, move on.

 As a guy, when I was in school, I used to put a ton of work into asking a girl out. Are there signals that she likes me? Does she even know I’m alive? Are her friends cool? Do they talk about me when I’m around? Is it cool talking, like flirting, or are they whispering and laughing while looking at me? What I was really afraid of wasn’t so much the rejection, but the aftermath. What if the girl thought I was so pathetic that she and her friends laughed about it for the rest of their lives and now the school had even more of a reason to mock me? What if this was a thing that was brought up at school reunions, or in town lore decades later? These are the things that go through people’s minds. Push that out of your mind. Ask her out. Be cool about it, be casual, and see what happens. Whatever the answer, just be casual.

Dandy: On the flipside, being a girl asking a boy out was unheard of. In high school, I had a running reputation of being “desperate” because I had the balls to approach a guy I liked to ask him out. I was always, always rejected and even became a locker room joke, being called fat and ugly. As times have slightly changed, it is still considered taboo for a woman to ask a man out. However, because men lately are also afraid of being seen as aggressive in light of the #MeToo movement, most won’t approach a woman for a simple date and prefer to wait to be asked by them. This turn in events puts women in a peculiar predicament. The good news is, if a woman asks, guys will most likely say yes unless they’re truly not interested. However, many years of social propriety still hold up that men should step up and make the first move. Take the chance! I was asked how my ex and I got together and I always replied with, “He asked me out.”

Dating apps

Sometimes it’s embarrassing to be a guy. Not just for what I’ve done myself as a human being, but on behalf of guys in general. And behavior on dating apps is one of them. Dating apps are basically just the latest version of dating services and personal ads from years ago. Profiles have had the same lies in them for decades, regardless of where you find them. You can probably recite them yourself:
“Seeking a long-term relationship with a soul mate. I just want to take things slow. I enjoy cooking, moonlit walks, old movies, holding hands, dogs, and cats (both!).”

 You respond to that, and it’s pretty clear that the guy wants sex. How clear? He might be mentioning it in the first five minutes, in no uncertain terms. I don’t know how many girls have complained to me about this, telling me that they got rid of all the apps, only to try again weeks or months later before running into the same thing and bailing out again, usually within 15 minutes. Guys: There are other apps and groups for just hooking up. Find them. Use them.

Dandy: Dating apps are repugnant. If you have a few different ones, you’ll start to notice the same people on them. Not the same kind of people, but the same people. And the people sending you likes or match requests based on your interests are usually people you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. I had a few dates with a guy I met on a dating app and when I realized that I wasn’t really into him and was honest about it, he declared that he was my last chance at finding a decent guy. Wow, who knew? Goodbye! For those who’ve had success on dating apps, you are the exception.

The politics of dancing

By and large, ladies like to dance. Guys don’t. There are exceptions. But I can tell you this: I don’t know of a single guy – none – who has ever gone to a dance club to dance. I can also say that back in my teens and 20s, if a guy I knew suggested we go to a club, the reason wasn’t to dance. You go to a club to find a girl. You may not be expecting to get laid that night (though the movies and tv show that happening all the time), but you want to meet a girl, dance, get a number, and get something started. Essentially, dancing is an unpleasant thing to do, a sacrifice made, to meet a girl and get to more pleasant things.
 On the other hand, girls actually like to dance. My wife and her friends used to go to dance clubs just to dance, and they’d complain about getting hit on, even when they were married, wearing their rings. Gross, right? Except it’s mixed signals. Guys assume that if a girl is out there at a club, she’s looking to hook up, looking for a guy. But no, unlike men, women actually enjoy dancing, and they’ll do it even if there are no guys there at all. It’s a thing.

 So, guys – don’t assume, and don’t be creepy. But ladies – sometimes you need to get a clue. I was dating a girl for a bit. It began when we started talking and she asked if I wanted to go dancing. Cool. I went dancing with her 3 times. We always met her best friend there, a guy who was both gay and in a wheelchair. He just went to listen to music, watch her dance, drink, and smoke. Sometimes I’d sit one out and talk to him while she was out there and he knew I liked her. He said that he leaned more to being bi and he liked her too, but he knew it was never going to happen. He actually just wanted to be there to see her dance and be around her, because she loved dancing so much. Okay, yet somehow when I asked her to dinner she was surprised. She didn’t know I liked her. I explained that yeah, I did, which is why I went dancing with her. I’d just as soon be sitting home chewing on tinfoil, maybe slowly sticking pins in my fingers because that would be more pleasant than listening to club music and jerking around out there trying to look like I was having a good time.

Dandy: I wish dudes would get over this because a man who can dance is sexy. But, this is also a slippery slope because she may only be looking for pals to go dancing with and/or a buffer so creepy dudes don’t hit on her (and worst case scenario which is bad news, she needed a ride). Either way, she’s going out with or without you. What you need to do is not go if you don’t want to. You can say something along the lines of, “I want to spend time with you, but dancing isn’t really my thing” and if you’re feeling up to it, suggest a different activity for a different time. If she counters with the bullshit of, “If you like me, you’ll do this for me…” Run. Simple as that. She’s manipulative and not worth your time. If you decide to join her at the club, suck it up. You don’t have to dance, but don’t be a sourpuss downer either. Good news is some clubs do have billiards and/or arcade games. Keep yourself busy and don’t be a babysitter. Otherwise, get on the dance floor with her. She’ll appreciate the effort.

I totally agree. And that’s what I did with the girl I went dancing with. Similarly, with my girlfriend before that, sometimes she wanted to go out dancing, but it was rare. So we went, and I danced a couple of times, but she knew I hated it, so she’d go out there with her female friend while that friend’s boyfriend and I drank or played games. Being part of a couple means sometimes you have to do stuff the other person likes. But not all the time. Sometimes it should be you, and sometimes it’s stuff you both like.

Setting up your friends

Here’s another classic bit of dating code. Even though I knew the lie, I gave into it three times. “I have someone you should meet. It’s not a blind date, you can just hang out. She/he has a great personality.”

 Yeah, okay. First, we all know this is setting someone up for a date. Second, “great personality” is code for “not ugly, but not particularly good looking. Not really smart, not really interesting, but probably won’t kill you or stalk you.”

 And that pretty much sums up the situation every time I agreed to this. A friend of mine set me up with his ex, because I had a break-up and was feeling discouraged, and he felt bad that he had dumped the girl a while back. It was fine. She was fine. Neither of us had particular interest in the other. I’ve drank glasses of water that were more interesting than the afternoons or evenings I spent with her.

With the second one, my mom set me up with a coworker my age. Same deal, “She’s so nice, you’d love her.” The problem my parents had with my ex was that while she was beautiful and intelligent, she had opinions of her own and couldn’t be manipulated by them, unlike the girl Mom set me up with who called them “Mom and Dad” and who started out as just dull but ended up being a bit nuts.

The third time around, I had just taken a job out of state, and a coworker, knowing I didn’t know many people in the area, tried to set me up with her mousy friend. It was clear that the coworker was seeing this as an opportunity to unload her friend on someone, since most coworkers our age were either newly married or engaged at that point. This girl made the first girl seem exciting. The funny part was, I did find someone and get married a couple of years later, and my coworker was stunned. I asked her why and she said, “She’s not the kind of girl I thought you’d be with.” Oh really? A pretty, smart, funny professional who’s actually fun to be around? I’ve never known if that meant she thought I was dull myself, or if I just liked dull women.

Dandy: This can work out for some, but it’s a small margin. Case in point: the person I’m currently dating I had met through a mutual friend. It wasn’t quite a set up, we all just happened to be at the same event and introductions were made. I was having a conversation with my friend when he interrupted me and excitedly asked, “Do you know….? He’s a great guy!” and launched into all the usual stuff one would tell a person about the other. This only happened because the guy was standing nearby, my friend saw him and it clicked. You’re a nice single girl into certain things, he’s a nice single guy also into those things…BOOM! Then we were introduced. We had our first date the following weekend and two and half years later, still seeing each other. Most relationships will stem from a more natural interaction or coincidence (like being at the same event), not by being set up. I once had an acquaintance set me up with someone. We talked for a few days online, even did a video chat, and although he wasn’t what I would typically be attracted to, I said yes to a date. When I arrived at the date, if people saw the look of disappointment on my face by seeing him in person, I’m sure they would have thought I found out through osmosis that my pet just died. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to be shallow, so I went through with the date. This dude then criticized me for my job history and was not very fun to talk to. I suffered a little longer until he had to go because he was attending a baseball game. Later that day, hours after the date, he messaged me and asked what I thought about him. It was a hard no, I was polite in my rejection, but he was not happy. He made jerk-like remarks and that was that. Bullet dodged and the price I paid for being nice enough to still honor the date. Case in point: don’t do set ups with your friends. They very rarely work out.

Know what you like

I mentioned that some of the girls I dated were dull, and they were. But that may not be entirely accurate. In some cases, I don’t really know if they were dull or not, because they said little, even when it came down to the key question of what we were going to do on a date. I’d ask if they wanted to see a movie. Sure. Is there one you want to see? No. Want to get something to eat? Sure. What would you like? I don’t know.

 This makes going on a date frustrating just out of simple logistics. If we’re supposed to have a good time, perhaps talk about what you like. Also, if we’re supposed to get to know each other, talk about something you like, don’t like, maybe a food allergy, anything. It can be exhausting.

Dandy: I agree that you should get a general sense of interests to better assess where to go on the date. For instance, you don’t want to take your vegan date to a steak house. I feel like these are basic information questions that should be addressed in the talking stages, but you have to ask them and come ready with suggestions. If they say they don’t know where to go, offer up suggestions. However, avoid taking your date to places that you’ve taken other dates to. Personally, I cringe when I see friends do this with their current significant other. I had a friend who enjoyed camping. Nothing wrong with that. He posted all sorts of pictures of him and his girlfriend at this camp site. A short time later, he had a new girlfriend and guess where they went camping? The same exact place. What? It was like looking at a flipbook where the only thing that changed was the girl in the picture. I might be alone in that and you should share your favorite places with people, but at the same time, mix it up. It’s like that meme where the guy tells his date he’s never been to this bar before, but the bartender is rolling his eyes because he knows that’s not true at all. Get a basic understanding of interests and start making a mental note of suggestions. This works on both ends.

Absolutely. Which is why it can get so frustrating. I can suggest a lot of things. You should have an opinion regarding some of them. Want to get dinner and a movie? Okay. Great. Pretty standard. But there’s a world of difference between McDonald’s or Waffle House and a formal sit-down restaurant. And there are lots of kinds of movies. I can bite the bullet and take you to a romantic comedy, or we can do low-budget slasher. Tell me you want the slasher and this date just got 10 times more interesting.

Money and jobs

This can be very much a regional thing, particularly in places like Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, and Washington, D.C., but it’s a serious turn-off every time it comes up. Let’s say you’re at a party or a bar and you meet a group of girls while getting your plate of hummus or getting another round. You just say hello, you give your name, one of them says you’re cute, everything is great, then one of them says, “So what do you do?”

“I’m a writer.”
“Oh cool! What do you write, like books or movies?”
“I’ve written a few books, you probably haven’t read any of them, they were self-help and trade books. Right now I’m the editor of the top publication in the country related to audio and lighting.”
The light goes out in their eyes a bit. One girl walks away.

“So you’re a technical writer?”
“No. I edit a magazine. Technical writing is different.”
“So you’re not really a writer.”
“Sure I am. I write every day.”

Another girl walks away, leaving you with one. She perks up a bit.

“But do you make a lot of money? If you have the top publication you should make a lot of money, go on trips and stuff.”

“I do okay, and I travel, but I wouldn’t say it’s a lot of money. What do you do?”

Before the girl can answer, she’s already gone. From that point on, the only action I’m getting is gouda on crackers and crab dip.
  Sometimes the conversation is even more brutally brief. Less than 30 seconds. In L.A. or D.C. they’ll sometimes just ask you flat out if you work for somebody or know somebody. If not, boom, it’s over. In New York or Chicago, I’ve just been asked flat out how much I make or what my job title is. If it’s not enough, adios.

This used to be frustrating, but overall it’s just disgusting. In hindsight I’ve been kind of relieved because it means I didn’t have to waste any time on these materialistic gold diggers. They select themselves out right away.

Dandy: Those women are looking for providers, but your career can be a point of interest. I’d rather date a man working in landscaping than one who works at Starbucks. Not because of the money, but because it shows he has real goals in mind. True, some are only trying to make money to get by, totally understand that, but having ambition is what an adult looks for. Women don’t want the guy who is going to hang around his mom’s basement working low end retail jobs his whole life. They want someone who can show initiative and make something of himself in a respectable field. It might sound shallow and yes, maybe a bit disgusting, but it’s the truth. Unless the woman is a breadwinner, she is looking for an equal or a provider. It’s a touchy subject and a job is a job, especially in today’s economy, but it is unfortunately something women do take into account. With that said though, it’s not a dealbreaker in some instances. He could be working that shitty job (and living at home) while he’s in school or applying for the big boy opportunity. So, don’t be too hasty to walk away at first. If he seems to lack motivation to change his situation, then it might be time to move on. My ex had a decent job with the city, but he wasn’t happy. He often talked about going back to school to get a degree and start a real career. I was his cheerleader, trying to motivate him to follow his goals. He didn’t follow through. Smoking weed, playing video games and cheating on our relationship were more important to him than his life goals. Guys, get your priorities straight!

I absolutely get this, and agree. You want a guy who has direction in life, not a perpetual child or a slacker. But the flip side is just wrong. I’ve heard women outright say they love dating because they want guys to buy them stuff. My wife had a friend who complained of women he dated who were so materialistic that they said on the first date, “I expect you to make this much money. I expect you to be on this career track. And I expect you to propose to me within 6 months to 2 years. The ring should be a gold band with a diamond of this size and quality or better.” This happened to the guy twice! After that he just went for bar hookups. He was done with dating or any plans for marriage. It wasn’t worth the hassle.

Your friends can be a problem

By now, the term DUFF is pretty commonplace. There was a romantic comedy by that name in 2015 that referred to the phenomenon, and gave it the name (which stands for Designated Ugly Fat Friend). It’s a thing, like going to the bathroom in pairs. If you see a cute girl and she has a friend, chances are the other girl isn’t as cute as she is, or cuter. In the guy world, if we’re at a party or a bar, discussion has to occur. Who gets the cute one, and who gets the other one. It usually comes down to which guy has the most interest, though there may be history, and last time one of the guys got the cute girl. This has played out in countless sitcoms.

 Of course it plays out with guys, too. As a teen I was a nerd, but I had a couple of good-looking friends, and one of them also drove a vintage Corvette. If my friend and I were out and we ran into some girls, I knew most of the girls would be interested in him, and I’d be getting the second tier girls, who were often more interesting anyway.

 However, sometimes your friends are a detriment. Your buddies may be your sisters, your bros, your tribe, but sometimes you’re the only one who likes them, and people on the outside think they’re cackling hags, airheads, assholes, or burnouts. I’ve heard people say plenty of times that they would ask out some guy or girl, except their friends are always around, and the friends are intolerable.

 This can be a problem even after you’ve been dating. I had a girlfriend whose best friend was the DUFF. Pleasant enough but bleh. Still, while she was around a lot, she didn’t bother me, she was just there, and then she’d go home. In contrast, I had two friends who were a problem. They’d come home from college and we’d hang out. One friend insisted on playing recordings of our old band every time we got together. Our old band was not good, and my girlfriend really hated that music, but she was subjected to 2 hours or more of it every time we saw this guy, and it clearly was pissing her off. I’d suggest we go somewhere, do something else, watch a movie, but no, he wanted to hang out there and play that stuff, and since it was his house our choice was to stay our go. So we made brief visits.

 Similarly, I had another friend who annoyed me. Eccentric, serious ADHD, he would pace, recite lines from standup comics out of context, laugh when no one said anything funny, and sometimes spit on himself without realizing it. It was a bit much even for me, and it was too much for my girlfriend after meeting him just once. When we got in the car to leave she looked at me and said, “I love you, but that guy’s nuts.” I said, “I know.”

 From that point, I had to make a choice – hang out with them or hang out with her. I decided to see them once or maybe twice when they were around, without her. If they had been around before I started dating her, I probably never would have gotten her to go out with me. You may have to make that choice.

Dandy: I’ve definitely dealt with a boyfriend’s shitty friends and also having friends that boyfriends and friends or even family didn’t like. I had a friend that no one liked. Other people merely tolerated her because she was my friend. Oddly enough, I am no longer in association with any of those people. I was never the DUFF per se when I was younger, but somewhere in-between. In my later teens, I hung out with these two girls, so it was often the three of us. Since this was the late 90s and early 00s, being tall, blonde, and skinny was the perfect ideal woman, which weighed heavily on my self esteem because I, well, wasn’t those things. One girl was taller than us, but skinny with light brown hair. She was intelligent and tomboyish, so she received all the attention. The other girl was overweight, goth, and very loud and outgoing. She demanded attention and she sometimes received it as well. Then there was me. Average height, average weight, quiet because I didn’t care, but I was secretly seething when the cute guys all paid attention to my friends. I never met a guy while hanging out with them, but only when I was off doing my own thing. When meshing my friend groups together at that time, there was some commonality, but in the end when all fell apart, so did the friendships on all sides. I feel like that’s common when you’re younger and your maturity isn’t built in yet. As an adult, your tolerance goes up, but your patience only goes so far. As I mentioned before, I had let go of a friendship that I had for 18 years because she never grew up and I could finally see why others disliked her so much. I hesitate with mixing friend groups as an adult because everyone is so different. I’ve met friends of friends and got along great and others not so much. I also root for my friends when they too let go of toxic people in their lives. No one needs that! But, it is unavoidable. The people you date are going to have that friend or family member that you don’t like. It’s up to you on how you deal with it. Do you mention it? Sure, but be ready for possible clapback. Also, have a valid reason for not liking that person. Not liking them because they’re good-looking is only a reflection of your insecurities. Not liking them because you notice how badly they treat your partner or how your partner acts around them is a good indication that maybe that person isn’t such a good person. Either way, it’s a map that needs navigating and you’ll have to figure it out as you go.

Another factor is having friends of the opposite sex. I have always gotten along better with men, ever since I was a kid. Having two older brothers molded me into being more cool with guys than girls. With that said, I was always feminine, never a tomboy. This was problematic for male friends. That line between friendship and wanting more was almost always prevalent and oftentimes my existence pissed off girlfriends and wives. Ladies, unless you can see obvious signs that the woman has feelings for your man, you don’t have to fret. She only sees friendship. If he has heart eyes for her, then that’s a conversation the two of you need to have. I have been called a homewrecker by jealous wives because their husbands dared to pay me a compliment. Don’t hate on the female friend simply because she’s a woman. Same goes for guys as well-don’t hate on the guy friend because you can sense he wants your girl or because he has a penis. She’s obviously with you.

Great point. Some say it’s impossible to simply be friends with the opposite sex. It even comes up in “When Harry Met Sally,” which for me has been the most accurate description of relationships I’ve ever seen in a film. In it, Harry tells Sally about the male mindset, in which you often think about sex so often that you consider whether you’d have sex with pretty much anyone. Some people are absolutely a no-go, but others, maybe, under certain circumstances, okay. That circumstance might be the end of the world, or a hostage situation, or when blind drunk, but it could still happen. That mindset can be a problem for people. Like Dandy, I’ve found it easier to be friends with the opposite sex for most of my life. Why? Because guys don’t talk. Ever. Not about anything serious or personal. Unless it’s life or death. I’ve been friends with one of my friends since kindergarten. With him, we talk movies, books, and music until someone dies. Then it’s like, “Hey, Bob died. Heart attack.” “Oh, that sucks.” We pour one to toast Bob’s memory, tell a few stories, then it’s back to movies. On the other hand, if you’re comfortable with a girl, but not attracted, she can help guide you through life. It’s pretty awesome. But what if you are attracted, or vice versa? The unrequited love situation. Well, as Dandy said, you’ve gotta have that conversation. Point out that it will never, and that does mean never, happen. If you can live with that, you have the makings of a great, valuable friend. But put that torch away. And if you get married or have a girlfriend, tell your significant other that yep, she’s my friend. We’ve had the conversation, it’s never gonna happen. She’s not a threat. Hopefully you can then all get along.

Your family can also be a problem

Mama’s boys and daddy’s girls. They’re a thing, and you probably don’t want to be with either one of them. With each, you’ll never have a role in their life as big as their parents. You’ll never measure up. And if you like your family, be ready to not see much of them if your relationship gets serious.

But it goes beyond that. Some people never really leave the nest. They live in their same town, near their parents, and they talk to their parents every day, see them every week. I dated one girl whose family was so tight they were more like a cult. They all had the same haircut, they shared each other’s clothes, they had their own speech pattern, basically had their own language. It was creepy. I began to wonder what my expected role was in this scenario. Was I supposed to be the guy who knocks up one of the daughters so she can produce more of these weird pod people? That seemed to be the case. So I got out of there.

Similar to the friend situation – if you have no identity outside of your family and friends, if there is no singular you, if you’re never without them, that’s a problem.

Dandy: This one is tricky because it depends on the situation. Some people are in a position where they’re the caregivers to their parents and/or a family member. Others deal with needy, manipulative, toxic parents, typically mothers who abuse the love and attention from their children. For me personally, when I encounter a “momma’s boy,” I take a deep breath and wait for the story behind it before proceeding. This is why: My ex-boyfriend’s mom was needy. He was not the oldest or youngest and not the wealthiest either. I think he was the only one who answered her calls. This was particularly odd since she and his siblings were all part of the same church. He had left the church behind when he turned 18. The rest of his family stayed devoted and were all close. But, when his mom needed favors, mostly in the means of money, he was the one she called. Dog not feeling well? Take him to the vet and pay the bill. Something broken in the house? Call a repairman and pay. I called him out on this behavior and noted that he had 4 other siblings who could help her and that he needed to speak with them about it because she was draining his finances. His response was, “I know, but they don’t have money and she’s my mom.” He didn’t have money either! We have bills to pay! In no way am I saying that helping your parent(s) out with things is undesirable, but there’s a limit somewhere, especially when there are others around to help provide as well. Again, depends on the situation, but it definitely can put a strain on the relationship. If you’re in the former where you’re a caregiver/provider to your parents and trying to date as well, be up front with your partner. Honesty goes a long way. They will be understanding and patient or they can walk away. Momma’s boys do need to check themselves though and need to recognize if their relationship with their mother is acceptable or toxic. Some don’t notice until their significant other points it out. If your relationships keep failing, look at the patterns. It’s probably your mom! I read horror stories all the time about toxic mother-in-laws. Don’t be a statistic in that category.

Yeah, caregivers are something else entirely. Throughout my life I’ve seen a trend. When there are multiple siblings, one tends to live close to the parents while the others move away and go about their lives. Often there’s no discussion about it, it just works out that way. Depending on what your career is, you might have to go where the work is, so you end up hundreds of miles or more from where you grew up and where your parents are. That’s entirely different. There’s another phenomenon that’s far more troubling - the people who might as well have never moved out. I just don’t understand that. They go to school, move out in their 20s, but they’re less than a mile from their parents and see them all the time. They go on vacation together, they do stuff together constantly, and eventually as the parents get older, that adult child moves back in with them. What was the point in moving out in the first place? Most likely you won’t get an opportunity to date someone like that. From their perspective, their best girlfriend or boyfriend (actual terms I’ve heard more than once) is Mom or Dad. But if you do encounter that, back away.

Accept reality

Shakespeare said, “To thine own self be true.” Don’t lie to yourself. Are you a “serial monogamist?” Are you a “runaway bride” or have you been engaged 4 times? Did you go through 3 marriages in less than 10 years? Why? Maybe you have bad taste or make bad decisions. Maybe you’re afraid of commitment. It can’t all just be bad luck.

Dandy: Figuring out what you want out of life and even deeper, who you are as a person, is a long difficult journey. There are people who can’t be by themselves and become serial daters. I had a friend who’s therapist told them to stop dating to try to heal their co-dependency. About a month later, they had a new relationship and it went on from there. Relationship after relationship. Others don’t want to bother with dating at all. Good for them. It could be fear of commitment, fear of being hurt, or simply bad luck because the market out there isn’t kind. The key thing is to figure out who you are, what you want and go with it. Be prepared for failure, but be open to success as well.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

About the authors
Dandy J. West is a true Manic Pixie Dream Girl who likes to dabble in writing. She works on fiction and non-fiction with rare ventures into poetry. Nevertheless, her non-fiction work has been published in online magazines under different pseudonyms. To keep active between writing projects, she's always ready with a red pen to help other writers who entrust her with editing. She enjoys movies, roller skating, hiking, seeing live music, and reading fiction. She currently resides in Milwaukee, WI.

Gene Lass is a professional writer and editor, working in all forms of media from books and blogs to newspapers and magazines. He has written, edited, co-written, or contributed to more than a dozen books, and has published 9 books of poetry and two collections of short fiction. His most recent book of poetry, American was one of the Amazon Top 100 Books of American Poetry. His work has appeared in Every Day Poems , The Albatross, KSquare, Electric Velocipede, Schlock!, Coffin Bell Journal, Black Petals, and Yellow Mama. His short story, “Fence Sitter” was nominated for Best of the Web in 2020.